Goodbye 2012....Hello 2013!!!

Tonight I am ringing in New Year's at home with my 3 LOVES in our pajamas while we watch football and the NYE special from New York.

We cooked a wonderful dinner complete with Mediterranean Crusted Salmon, broccoli & cheese, taters and S'mores roll ups for dessert.  

2012 has been a wonderful year full of love, laughs, happiness, blessings and even some heartache.  We watched my beautiful cousin Holly marry her prince Mark, they welcomed their ADORABLE son Fischer into this world, my nephew Garrison graduated high school and received a full scholarship to McMurray University, we welcomed another BIL into our family when Benita and BJ got married, we had a wonderful family vacation in San Antonio, my dad suffered a mild stroke, we had very successful years at our jobs, we celebrated our third pregnancy, had wonderful holiday celebrations with friends and family and even suffered the loss of our baby in my recent miscarriage.

The good consistently outweighs the bad and I am eternally grateful for God's love and faithfulness.  He is always by our sides which has been proven over and over to Chris and I throughout the past few days.  Just this evening, I was looking into something and the answer I found literally made me laugh out loud.  Only God can put the pieces of this puzzle together as accurately as they are falling into place.  While my heart still aches, I am confident that 2013 will have many continued blessings for our family.  I am sure there will be some heartaches along the way as well and for that reason we will continue to press hard unto Him! 

I cannot wait to see what 2013 holds for our family.  Happy New Year!!

Grief

Over the past few days I have discovered that grief is a very funny thing.  One minute you will be perfectly fine and the next minute your whole world is crashing down.  I have been feeling pretty good physically since having surgery yesterday; however, emotionally I have been a wreck.

I am sure this is to be expected.  I have talked to many people who have dealt with similar situations and they all reassure me that my thoughts and fears are not abnormal.  I. Am. Grieving. Plain and Simple!  I have lost all of my grandparents and even an uncle; however, nothing has compared to the pain I have felt the past few days.  I am literally numb.  My heart feels incomplete.  I have struggled to hide my emotions from our children and our families in order to keep them from hurting that much more.  Unfortunately, this has left Chris to deal with the majority of my grief.  And let me just say....he has been my ROCK!  I could not have made it without him the past few days.  He has held me, wiped my tears, let me cry myself to sleep and taken wonderful care of me.  He has made me laugh and smile even when I didn't feel like it was possible.  He has reassured me that everything will be ok and that God will give us another child.

I think I hit rock bottom today.  The kids and I went to town to run a couple of errands and we met up with Chris once he was done with work.  The kids decided they wanted to ride home with him and they needed to run one more errand.  I was fine all the way home but when I walked into the house it hit me like a ton of bricks. 

Kallaway slept in his crib, which was in our room, up until a few months ago.  I didn't fight him on getting out of his crib because he was close by when he would wake up in the middle of the night and I simply knew he was contained.  I told Chris a couple of months ago that we needed to take it down.  He simply laughed at me and said, "Why? So we can put it back up in a few months?"  I laughed at his response and with that moved on. 

I walked into our bedroom today and there was the crib.  The crib I thought was soon to hold our third precious child.  Grief overcame me at that point and I lost it.  I had no idea how to take the crib apart, but I grabbed a screwdriver and piece by piece disassembled the entire crib.  I am sure this wasn't within my surgical restrictions, but I simply couldn't help it.  I felt as though I couldn't breathe.  I have now lost a child. Unborn....yes, but still my child.  Once the crib was apart I felt better, but then I started feeling guilty for my grief.  Guilty because I have two healthy children.  Guilty because millions of people would love to have ONE child of their own.  I have TWO.  Guilty for my tears and my actions. 

This guilt has been driving me crazy because I am NOT ungrateful!  I am fully aware of how blessed I am, and I thank God daily for all of the blessings he has bestowed upon me.  Time heals all wounds......I have to have FAITH in this and Him!!

A very sweet, dear friend, who has endured her own share of heartache, told me this..."While you grieve, LEAN and TRUST in the ONE who holds you in the palm of His hand....and be confident He WILL turn these ashes into something BEAUTIFUL!"  She may never know just how much those words have meant to me!  

Surgery

After meeting with my doctor yesterday and discussing our options relating to our miscarriage, Chris and I decided that having a D&C was the best option for me.  I had surgery this morning to complete my miscarriage.

Physically... I am ok.  Emotionally... I am a wreck.  I will be perfectly fine and then out of nowhere I lose it.  I know that this is normal, but for someone like myself who is somewhat of a control freak it completely drives me insane.  

While I was in recovery, Chris got a call from his brother stating that his MIL had passed away.  She got very ill last night, was rushed to the hospital and took a major turn for the worse early this morning.  We got out of the hospital around noon and went straight to the other hospital where they were to express our condolences on their loss.

I am at home resting now while my kids are playing with all of their fun new toys they received for Christmas.  

My Red Raiders play in their bowl game tonight and I am certainly hoping they can give us a WIN! 

Today I am even more thankful for my wonderful husband, beautiful children, amazing family and friends and our health!!

NUMB

We went in this morning for our routine 11 week ultrasound.  Chris and I were both off of work so he went with me.  Several people had been joking around with us saying that we were having twins.  Everyone was so excited to find out if we were having one baby or two.

Looking back I am sooo thankful that Chris was able to be there with me.  After several minutes of silence, I could tell that something wasn't right because of the look on our ultrasound technician's face.  I finally asked her if everything was ok.  She went on to explain to us that she was not supposed to tell us anything, but that due to the holidays the radiologist wasn't there yet and she didn't want us leaving not knowing what was going on.  The words she had to say rocked us to the core.  She then confirmed what I was already beginning to fear.  I was in the process of a miscarriage.  She could not locate a heartbeat.  I think I was numb and just going through the motions.  To be honest....it is kind of a blur.  We went in feeling perfectly fine and just plain excited about getting to see our precious little one.  And then we left with our dreams for this third child of ours being shattered.  My heart is breaking, but I know that God has a plan for my family and I.

Ugly Sweater Party!

Tonight we had an ugly sweater party with a bunch of our wonderful friends!  We looked everywhere for an ugly sweater for Chris and I and we had no luck.  We finally found a really tacky turtleneck for me to wear and finally decided to make Chris a sweater.  I had no idea how much fun making his sweater would be.  We ended up taking this "ugly" theme to the extreme....

I wish I had a better picture of his attire...it was hilarious!

Kallaway had been running a fever earlier in the day so I contemplated not going to the party.  He acted like he felt fine once his fever would come down.  He wasn't eating much and sat in my lap the majority of the day.  My parents insisted he would be fine for a while and that they would watch our kids.  My mom called not long after we dropped them off to inform me that he had eaten a really good dinner so I was happy to hear this.  Unfortunately I got another call close to 11pm to inform me that he was really struggling to breathe and that his chest was retracting.  Chris and I said goodbye to our friends and headed to go get our sweet boy.  

We changed clothes quickly and then headed to the ER with our sweet boy.  You could tell by looking in his eyes that he felt awful.  We got to the ER at 12am....and of course the waiting room was full.  We  finally got called back to a room around 2:20am.  They gave him some steroids and 3 breathing treatments back to back and then we finally got released around 4:15am.  

Sitting on the hospital bed by himself like a big boy!

I hate seeing my babies sick and would do anything to trade places with them.  Luckily the steroids and breathing treatments have helped.  We finally got in bed around 5am.  Needless to say we were very tired!!

The Cat is Out of the Bag!!!

Tonya and her family are in town and we have been enjoying a lot of family time just hanging out at my parents house.  The kids have enjoyed running around outside and playing on the Wii non stop.  All of us girls have enjoyed shopping online and catching up while sitting around talking.

Today we were all sitting around my parents table and Angela got to joking around with Kallaway about him not being a baby anymore.  She kept saying, "tell Mommy and Daddy that they need to have another baby because you aren't a baby anymore."  At some point I apparently had a guilty look on my face and my sister Angela guessed that I was pregnant.  Oops...I never had a good poker face!

We weren't planning on telling anyone until I was a little further along; however, I went ahead and confessed.  Once Chris got home from golfing we went ahead and told our kids that they were going to be blessed with a baby brother or sister.  Kallaway says he wants one of each!!  Here is a video of us telling our kids.....

I knew I was pregnant almost immediately.  I could just tell...call it a mother's intuition I guess.  I took a test the day before my period should have come.  You can see the second line...very faintly!!  I was ecstatic.  I immediately went and shared the good news with Chris, but he wasn't fully convinced with the faint line.  He was being cautiously optimistic!

So....I did what any woman would do to prove herself......

I took a test that clearly spelled it out for my sweet hubby!!  We are so excited about bringing another child into our family!  We are due July 17, 2013 and we can't wait to meet our newest bundle of joy!!  I have been feeling well...just extremely EXHAUSTED!!

Thanksgiving 2012

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving full of family, turkey and lots of food.  We had Thanksgiving at Brandon and Angela's house.  We had a wonderful time enjoying everyones company and ate way too much food.  We even managed to watch some football...imagine that.  The only thing we were missing was Tonya and her family.  Luckily they are coming into town this weekend and we will get to hang out with them some as well.

Our sweet little Pilgrim showing off his sticker turkey...he might have had some help! :)

Kallaway LOVES to help in he kitchen.  We were at my parents house last night helping my mom cook for Thanksgiving and Kallaway had to help.  He helped my mom ice the Italian Cream Cheese Cake.  He was sooooo proud that he was getting to help and he did an AWESOME job!!

Focusing very intently!

Mommy got busted taking his picture!

He definitely wasn't the fastest, but he did a great job!

Mini Vacays

Today I am thankful for mini vacations.  I know this sounds silly, but we are going out of town today for the weekend and I am so thankful that we have the ability to travel and take our children to fun places.  I know how blessed Chris and I are and I don't take that for granted at all.  We haven't been out of town in a long time and it is so refreshing to just getaway sometimes.

We are headed to Dallas to hang out with some of our friends.  We are taking our kids to the ICE exhibit at the Gaylord Texan hotel in Grapevine.  This years theme is Merry Madagascar.  It looks like it will be very bright, detailed, cute and COLD!

Last year we all went to the ICE exhibit together and Kallaway managed to get lost in the Gaylord Texan for about three or four minutes.  That was a frightening moment that I am certainly praying does not repeat itself! 

Blessed

Today I am thankful for my wonderful parents.  They have been married for almost 49 years.  They have been wonderful role models for my sisters and I.  My dad is extremely hard working, honest, humble, faithful and unbelievably loving.  He has always shown each of us girls what to look for in a husband and father.  My mom is the most amazing mother anyone could ask for.  She is fun, beautiful, hard working, giving, faithful and will drop anything she has going on to help one of us girls.  My parents have seriously shown us what a successful and loving marriage is all about and for that I am eternally grateful for their love and guidance.

 Our entire family is so blessed to have these two amazing people!

FAITH

Today I am thankful for answered and unanswered prayers.  I know those two contradict each other, but it speaks so true to my heart.  Many times in our lives we pray for specific things and when those prayers are not answered we sometimes question why.  However, I have learned as I have gotten older that all unanswered prayers were because He had something greater in store for me.

It all boils down to one thing and that is FAITH.  I truly believe that as long as you have faith in God that He will help you weather any storm that you face.

Today has been a wonderful day....and I am eternally grateful for an answered prayer!!  His timing is always best!!

Happy Birthday, Honey!

Today I am thankful for my wonderful husband.  He is an amazing man.  He is one of the most loving, caring, responsible, hard working, fun, energetic, life of the party, good looking, honest and loyal men I have ever met in my life.  He will do anything to make sure that our kids are taken care of and that they have everything they want.  Which includes saying "yes" to almost all of their demands!  Ok, so I am somewhat kidding!  He spoils us ALL rotten.  Today is his 34th birthday!!

Happy 34th Birthday, Babe!!  I love you to the moon and back!  I can't wait to grow old with you!

Kallaway helping Daddy open his present!

Daddy's very own iPad!!!

35

Today I am thankful for another year of life.  Today was my 35th Birthday!  I am so blessed and so lucky to be surrounded by so many loving and caring people.  All day long I kept getting emails from Facebook because of people posting to my wall and telling me Happy Birthday.  Over 100 people wished me Happy Birthday, they sure know how to make a girl feel special.

Tonight we cooked pork loin sandwiches for my birthday dinner.  Chris surprised me with some cookie cake slices from the Cookie Co.  I loooove cookie cakes.  He knows me well!  My wonderful husband and kiddos got me a pair of Coach sunglasses.  I absolutely love them!  My husband and kids are pretty great too! :)

A Cozy Home

Tonight I am extremely thankful for our Home!  Our home is not necessarily the biggest, cleanest or the newest, but it is HOME for us.  It is a safe haven for our children, a place where they can laugh and play and not worry about others.  It is a place where we can be together as a family of four and laugh, learn and dream together.  I am so thankful that we have a roof over our head with electricity, water, heat or AC.  I know there are so many around the world that are not this fortunate; therefore, tonight I am praying for those less fortunate.  Praying that God places his hands of comfort upon them and that somehow they may become more fortunate in their daily lives.

Friends

Today I am thankful for the wonderful group of people Chris and I are lucky enough to call our friends.  Some of them we have known all of our lives, some are new friends, some we work with and some are simply friends of friends.  However it is that we have crossed paths, I am extremely thankful for all of our friends.  They make "life" so much fun and I wish we were able to get together with them all more often.  

Today is the Texas Tech vs. UT game.  Let's keep our fingers crossed for the Red Raiders so we can all have Bevo burgers later!  We are "hosting" some of Chris' customers today so we get to spend the day taking them to the game and showing them around Lubbock.  Get your GUNS UP!!

LONG LIVE THE MATADOR!!

17 ~ Nieces & Nephews

Today I am thankful for our 17 Nieces & Nephews.  I know, 17 is ALOT of Nieces & Nephews...and I am willing to bet we aren't done!  Chris and I both have fairly big families and I absolutely LOVE it!  Holidays, birthdays, weekend get togethers and everything else where we are all together are so much fun.  Yes, it is crazy and hectic at times, but it is always a lot of fun and there is always a lot of love being passed around.

Chris' side of the family ~ MaKayla, Tyler, Joshua, Avaree, Gabby, Kallaway, Diego, Dirks, Kinsley and Bailey

For some odd reason I can't find any pics of all of our nieces & nephews on my side of the family together....we definitely need to get this done again soon!

Chelsea, Channing, Elizabeth, Courtly, Coleman, Jackson, Chisholm, Kinsley and Kallaway

Chandler 

Elizabeth & Garrison

Our niece, Channing, is 11 today.  I can remember the day she was born just like it was yesterday.  Yet, somehow, she is 11 now.  This hardly seems possible!  Channing, Chris and I hope you have had a wonderful birthday and we pray that you are blessed with many more!  Happy Birthday, Butter Bean!

Time for Thankfulness!!

While I believe that it is good to always be THANKFUL and praise Him for all we have, November seems to make everyone a little nostalgic about their thankfulness.  I cannot believe it is November!!  In less than two months it will be Christmas!  How in the world has time gone by soooo fast?!?  I decided that I wanted to "thankful" posts throughout the month of November.  I am going to try and post one for each day!  We will see if I can update this little blog of mine that much during a month's time.  The computer just might break!

So....here I go....

Today I am extremely thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me the way I am.  I am not perfect, heck... I am a sinner, but I love God more than anything in this world and I am extremely thankful that He constantly hears ours prayers and protects us.  While we may not always understand His timing or His ways, he is a sovereign God who gave his only Son for us.  I pray that my family and I will continue to follow His path and I pray that my children always know they can turn to Him no matter how dark their days.

A Sad 4 yr old

Today I finally got a phone call regarding the status of preschool for Kallaway.  He didn't get in.  In fact none of the kids who were on the waiting list got admitted.  He was very upset to say the least.  He just doesn't understand why he can't go to big school with his sissy.  Now the race is on to find somewhere to send him everyday.  Geez, I sure wish they could have told us this sooner.  I am way too busy to be trying to find him a preschool.

A Rehearsal, Lingerie Shower and a BACHELORETTE PARTY!!

Tonight was the rehearsal dinner for Benita's wedding and her lingerie shower.  They had the rehearsal dinner at her parents house and then us girls all got together at Audrey's house for a lingerie shower honoring the bride to be.  We had a lot of fun and shared many laughs at the lingerie shower.  We played several hilarious games that had everyone involved.  Benita ended up getting lots of wonderful gifts for her hubby to enjoy! :)

Lifelong Friends who happen to be FAMILY

Audrey, Benita and I

The big group...minus Liz and Chelsea....they were the eyes behind the cameras!

Benita and Jamie...she kept saying....I know someone is there! HA!

After the lingerie shower several of us girls decided to take Benita out one last time as a single lady.  We went to a local club called Chances R.  I was the designated driver(of course) and we all had a great time.  Somehow I managed not to get a picture of all of us out.  We had a fun night of dancing and then headed home to get ready for the big day!

Apparently Chrissy said something really funny

All tuckered out on the way home!!

I can't begin to describe how happy I am for Benita & BJ.  They are a perfect couple and I pray that they have a wonderful and long marriage.  These two totally deserve all of the happiness in the world.  Benita and I have been best friends for as long as I can remember and I am so happy she has found her one true love.  Benita....tomorrow evening you will be a MARRIED WOMAN!!!

It's MAKEOVER Time!!!

While we were in Abilene this weekend for Garrison's graduation, we went to this store called the Furniture Junk-it.  Let me tell you.....it is such a neat and fun store.  They go out to estate sales and garage sales and buy older furniture.  Their store is basically a large warehouse where they display all of the furniture that is for sale.  Once you have picked out your piece, you can then decide what color you want it painted and they paint it and then distress it.  I was looking for some furniture for Kallaway's big boy room.  I am planning on redoing his room in the next few months and he will need furniture.  The furniture in his future room is all antiques and he is way to young for them...plus they are really girly.  I was sooooo excited when I found this dresser and nightstand.....

I looove this dresser!!  I am having it painted black and they will replace the current knobs with wooden knobs.  I think it will look gorgeous once it is done.

And this nightstand is the perfect addition to his dresser.  It will also be painted black and have wooden knobs as well.  I can't wait to see what these pieces will look like once they have been painted and distressed.  The only downfall to this store is that it can take up to 6-8 weeks to get your finished furniture pieces.  Now I just need to find him a bed so we can have it painted and distressed too!!  I wish his room was done so I could see the finished product.  Now to find some patience.....

Last Day of 2nd grade

Where in the world has this school year gone???  I cannot believe that Kinsley's 2nd grade year is already over.  She has had a wonderful school year once again.  I am so thankful that our kids get the advantages of living in a small town.  One of the best advantages is our wonderful teachers.  Kinsley has been truly blessed with wonderful teachers each year and Mrs. Hollingsworth is definitely no exception to this.  Kinsley has continued to learn and grow as a student.  She had straight A's all year again and we simply couldn't be more proud of her if we tried.

Our school has been under construction this year.  In fact, Kinsley's classroom was in a portable building right outside of the school.  Idalou continues to grow and they are in the process of doing a lot of remodeling.  Today the classes were able to go into the school to eat donuts for the last day.  Here is a picture of Kinsley and her class lining the hall of the newly remodeled building.

Silly girl!

Kinsley and her cousin Riley

Kinsley and Mrs. Hollingsworth

When Mrs. Hollingsworth's class went back to their "portable" classroom, the door wouldn't unlock.  Apparently the lock mechanism broke inside the door.  It took them probably 25 minutes to get us back into their classroom.  

When all else fails to get you into the door......you break the window.  Such a funny way to end the year!

I now have a 3rd grader(and hopefully a Pre-K student too)!!!  

2nd Grade Field Day

Today was the 2nd Grade's end of school field day.  They basically spend all day outside playing all sorts of fun games.  Several of the parents in Kinsley's class got together and decided to go and watch them compete against the other classrooms.  Mrs. Hollingsworth's class color was black so all of the kids in her class were supposed to dress in black for the events.  They competed in jump rope relays, potato relays, running relays and even a good ole fashioned tug-o-war.  It was so much fun watching all of the kids compete against the other classrooms.  They definitely took this seriously!

All "blacked" out and ready to go!

Kinsley's class waiting for their next event

Potato racing

Apparently holding your hand up in the air helps with balancing the potato...ha

All of us parents were sitting there enjoying watching our kids have fun when Mrs. Beaty told them that the parents there watching were going to join in on the fun.  All of us parents also competed in the jump rope races.  Kinsley snagged my camera, of course, and took a few pics of her momma jumping rope.  Note to self.....wear tennis shoes for the next field day I attend instead of flip flops!

Passing off the jump rope to Amy

Sweet and silly, Kendi

Batman....aka....Caed

Kinsley's class playing tug-o-war

Once the kids were done playing tug-o-war, Mrs. Beaty informed us once again that we parents would be competing.  There was a major unfair disadvantage in the woman/man ratio.  So...several women paired up with the two men that were there and then us remaining women paired up together.  We women were determined to beat the other team since they had two men helping them.  Once again Kinsley grabbed the camera....too bad she didn't get any shots of our faces.  I am sure they would have been priceless.  In the end.....our team of ALL women....WON!!!  YAY!!

Great job ladies.....it sure was fun to watch us dragging Marnie's feet through the sand pit!

Who knew playing tug-o-war hurt your hands so much...HA!  It was a fun morning with my sweet girl and her classmates!!

Bridal Shower Fun

Today was Benita's bridal shower.  I am so happy for her and can hardly wait for the day they say "I do".  Benita received lots of wonderful gifts and it was great getting to see so many people.

Benita and her nieces...Gabby, Avaree and Kinsley

Opening her gifts

Such good helpers....Gabby, Kallaway and Avaree

The beautiful Bride-To-Be

My sister in laws ~ Ericca, Benita, Audrey and I

My MIL and her "big" girls

Poor bubba...he was the only boy at the shower...such a hard life!